I’m not usually cruel to animals. Ask anyone that knows me well, and they’ll tell you I’m a big softie. I break for toads and groundhogs, I grab birds from the cats, I sneak the kittens inside when Derek isn’t looking, and I still cry when Bambi dies! But I squish bugs.
I wasn’t always so mean, but it’s their fault, really — the bugs. They never should have come in my house! I won’t put up with japanese beetles and other crawly things in my bed, ticks on my legs, stink bugs that fly at my face, or spiders hanging over my toilet. The ants are getting on my nerves. And the flies! I hate the flies! Yesterday a fly landed on the ring of my coffee cup. While I was drinking my coffee! The nerve!
So I don’t feel bad — at all — when I smash those flies. Today I found myself thinking violent thoughts about them. “Die! Die! Die!” was running through my head as I chased flies around the house and killed them off one by one. Problem is, I can’t ever kill them off completely! They come back! With buddies! Like Percy Jackson’s hydra-head monster. Maybe I have a sign on my roof: “This lady thinks she can kill us? Flies Unite!”
I guess I don’t hate the other bugs as much as I hate the flies. If the spiders stay in their corner and don’t crawl in my mouth while I’m sleeping, I’ll let them stay. They eat flies, right? Heh, heh, heh… The stink bugs are irritating, but not germy or carnivorous, as far as I know. Ticks are creepy. I will kill those! The beetles can stay, if they stay out of my bed. Ants are actually amazing little creatures, but I just don’t want them in my house! I don’t know what to do though, because Megan sucks on the ant traps. Even if I hide them, she finds them. (I’ve never called the poison control center in my life. Does that make me a bad mom?)
Oh, and I realized today, in my fly smashing frenzy, that fly-killing is a great stress buster! And my kids love to help smash them, so it’s a great summer activity. Right up there with “bike-riding” or “water balloon fights!” It’s a tv-free activity, works your arm muscles, releases tension… Yep! I think “kill flies” should be added to all those official summertime lists.