Bug Killer


I’m not usually cruel to animals.  Ask anyone that knows me well, and they’ll tell you I’m a big softie.  I break for toads and groundhogs, I grab birds from the cats, I sneak the kittens inside when Derek isn’t looking, and I still cry when Bambi dies!  But I squish bugs.

I wasn’t always so mean, but it’s their fault, really — the bugs.  They never should have come in my house!  I won’t put up with japanese beetles and other crawly things in my bed, ticks on my legs, stink bugs that fly at my face, or spiders hanging over my toilet.  The ants are getting on my nerves.   And the flies!  I hate the flies!  Yesterday a fly landed on the ring of my coffee cup.  While I was drinking my coffee!  The nerve!

So I don’t feel bad — at all — when I smash those flies.  Today I found myself thinking violent thoughts about them.  “Die! Die! Die!” was running through my head as I chased flies around the house and killed them off one by one.  Problem is, I can’t ever kill them off completely!  They come back!  With buddies!  Like Percy Jackson’s hydra-head monster.  Maybe I have a sign on my roof: “This lady thinks she can kill us?  Flies Unite!” 

I guess I don’t hate the other bugs as much as I hate the flies.  If the spiders stay in their corner and don’t crawl in my mouth while I’m sleeping, I’ll let them stay.  They eat flies, right?  Heh, heh, heh…  The stink bugs are irritating, but not germy or carnivorous, as far as I know.  Ticks are creepy.  I will kill those!  The beetles can stay, if they stay out of my bed.  Ants are actually amazing little creatures, but I just don’t want them in my house!  I don’t know what to do though, because Megan sucks on the ant traps. Even if I hide them, she finds them.  (I’ve never called the poison control center in my life.  Does that make me a bad mom?)

Oh, and I realized today, in my fly smashing frenzy, that fly-killing is a great stress buster!  And my kids love to help smash them, so it’s a great summer activity.  Right up there with “bike-riding” or “water balloon fights!”  It’s a tv-free activity, works your arm muscles, releases tension… Yep!  I think  “kill flies” should be added to all those official summertime lists.


About patchofheaven

"Mom" sums it up quite well! I cook, I clean, I homeschool, and yes, I do still ride a tricycle. I love to read books to my kids, and every once in a while I manage to read a book "all by my big self." I journal about my life, here at patchofheaven; hoping to remember, grow, love more, and entertain my mom and other readers!

5 responses »

  1. haha, i went to post a comment to this, and guess what the banner ad is? an ad for terminix pest control. now that’s smart advertising! haha. i can empathize with your plight. i prioritize my bug friendships and enemies. flies creep me out too most of the time. sometimes i’m really nice and i open a window and inform them that they have a limited amount of time to leave of their own volition. if they decide to stay i can’t be responsible for their safety. the other day though, this amazingly large fly invaded my home. he or she just creeped me out so bad i went bonkers and even though i don’t own a fly swatter i just went after the thing in a frenzy. can’t remember if i got him or not. oh i think i didn’t, but i put such fear into him that he jetted right on out of there. and i hadn’t even given him a convenient escape route. congrats on starting up the blog by the way. it will be very handy when you want to collate everything together and release your first book. =)

  2. Ruth,

    Ha! Ha! Let me know if you figure out how to eliminate fruit flies. They are swarming all over our kitchen. Yuck! I am not a bug person either and have never had trouble killing bugs. I figured there’s plenty more where they came from.

    The beach sounds fabulous!

    • hey amy, here’s a quick thing i’ve done to get rid of fruit flies. get a small bowl or container, put some balsamic vinegar in it, along with a couple slices of fruit, orange will do. cover the top of the ball with saran wrap. poke some small holes in it with a fork (don’t make the holes too big).

      the flies will go in but not back out.

  3. I hate bugs, too. Especially when they invade my reasonably-clean home. I was particularly mad at the cockroach that nonchalantly crawled up the side of my full juice glass I had set atop my piano while I played a song. He wasn’t the least bit hesitant in dipping his toes in my juice while hanging onto the rim with one spindly leg.

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