A Toilet Paper Story


Tonight I bought, get this — 124 rolls of toilet paper!  I also bought diapers, Kleenex, granola bars, lemonade, and 30 rolls of paper towels.  A few other things too.  And then my credit card was declined at the gas pump, where I paid $.45/gallon, because I’d just swiped my card twice in the grocery store.  I filled up two grocery carts, piled higher than my nose!

Most of you know that I’d never buy so much toilet paper unless there was a sale going on, or I had coupons, or my gas tank was empty.  All three applied tonight!   My toilet paper came to $.17/roll.  Everything else I bought was cheap too, due to great in-store sales and coupons.  Plus, the gas points I earned let me get 30 gallons of gas for frrreeeeee!  Well, not quite.  But almost.  My momma trained me well!

I ran into a creepy dude.  Guess that’s what I get for going to the grocery store at 10:00pm!  He was standing behind me in the checkout line, and said, “I hope those weren’t the trees in your front yard!”  (Referring to the paper towels)  He also asked if I was a democrat, told me I was a young girl who didn’t have a clue, and said, “You’d need a pretty private place to use those purchases.”  (Referring to the toilet paper.)  To the guy behind him in line, he said, “I’m not afraid!”  The other guy said, “Why should you be afraid?”  Creepy dude said, “Good question!  That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard in a long time!”  Good grief.  I threw my toilet paper in the back of the Suburban as quick as possible, so creepy dude wouldn’t know which vehicle was mine.  I still had to go back and load up my cart a second time.   Believe me, I triple checked my back seats before I climbed in that Suburban.

But back to toilet paper.  My sweet husband helped me unload groceries when I got home.  I told him I bought a lot of stuff, but the amount of toilet paper in the backseat still made him laugh!   Wait, can I brag on this guy for a minute?  While I was gone, Derek  totally cleaned up the supper mess, cleared out my fridge of old food, loaded the dishwasher, and washed dishes by hand, all while minding four children — children he also tucked in bed!   I love my man.  I told him we probably have enough toilet paper now for my family to stay with us for five Christmases.  Anyone else is welcome to come visit us too!


About patchofheaven

"Mom" sums it up quite well! I cook, I clean, I homeschool, and yes, I do still ride a tricycle. I love to read books to my kids, and every once in a while I manage to read a book "all by my big self." I journal about my life, here at patchofheaven; hoping to remember, grow, love more, and entertain my mom and other readers!

3 responses »

  1. That is so funny! Now where do you store such large amounts of TP? Personally I like shopping at night, nice and quiet, no children to slow me down.. But it IS full of creeping guys buying nothing but PB and J! LOL

  2. Well, I don’t think we had a Suburban when we had you four older kids, so I probably didn’t buy that much TP at one time.

    As for creepy guys, I can remember one time at a store in Hadley where I had you kids with me and I had this real bad gut feeling that we needed to get out of that place as quickly as we could. I did see a fellow lurking around the aisles, perhaps he was the danger. Anyway, such an experience does spoil a nice time out.

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