(started February 3rd, 2011)
My throat hurts and my nose still burns, from stuff dripping back down. I hate it! Dee always comes in to rub my back, if he’s around when I’m puking. I love the feel of his hand, but I feel so unlovely and just YUCK with my head bent over the toilet! He loves me anyway.
It’s been a rough couple weeks, I’m not gonna lie! Not horrible, but definitely rough. On the days when I feel good, or even just the hour or two that I feel half decent, I do school with Kbug. So my dishes, my laundry, my dust, my dirt… it all just sits.
You’ve all heard that phrase, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle,” right?
IT’S A LIE!
If we could handle it all ourselves, what a proud and arrogant people we’d be. God is always giving us more than we can handle, so that we have to rely on Him. That’s when His glory shines.
I remember late last year, Dee and I were discussing the best time to conceive this baby. Before or after garden planting? Or harvesting? Wait until Moosies is two? Maybe I shouldn’t have a brand new baby right at the beginning of a school year, and I definitely don’t want to be sick while I’m still learning the ropes of homeschooling! (I didn’t want to be sick anytime, but morning sickness is a given for me!) So many factors…
Is there a perfect time to have a baby?
Even while we were talking, I thought, “God doesn’t want us to have a baby when I think I can handle it. God wants us to have a baby in the middle of our busy, overwhelming, messy life. Because then HE has to be the One to give us strength.”
He did it, you know, made us lean on Him. We were going to get pregnant this March or later, and now here I am a quarter of the way through this pregnancy! I don’t think anytime would have been easy, but I’m definitely overwhelmed right now.
One day last week, shortly after we got back from Massachusetts, I could barely stand. Our suitcases were still unpacked, I had trash bags of dirty clothes, dishes teetering, dirt and stuff EVERYWHERE, and I realized I had a choice.
Should I break down and sob, “I can’t do this!” when my husband came home? (I’m really good at getting stressed out and complaining to Dee!) Or should I smile peacefully, right in the middle of the mess.
Dee found me washing dishes, and he found me with a smile. It was a tired smile, but he wrapped his arms around me and I knew it was okay. He has strength like God sometimes.
I didn’t get to that smile easily. I knew I needed to, and I knew only God could put it in my heart, but I didn’t even have strength to eloquently ask Him for it. “Help me, help me…” was my auto-repeat as I tried to focus on my kids, and finding food, and keeping food down, and just doing the next thing in front of me!
It’s not that rough anymore, I’m just telling my story. (And explaining my blogging absence for the past couple weeks!) I’m feeling better every day, and for that I am soooo grateful! I’ve heard that morning sickness means a healthy baby, so I am grateful for a safe pregnancy so far.
Today, in fact, I feel awesome! Iced coffee and pizza with banana peppers will do it every time.