Nope. I can’t do it.

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                                                                              (started February 3rd, 2011)

My throat hurts and my nose still burns, from stuff dripping back down.  I hate it!  Dee always comes in to rub my back, if he’s around when I’m puking.  I love the feel of his hand, but I feel so unlovely and just YUCK with my head bent over the toilet!  He loves me anyway.

It’s been a rough couple weeks, I’m not gonna lie!  Not horrible, but definitely rough.  On the days when I feel good, or even just the hour or two that I feel half decent, I do school with Kbug.  So my dishes, my laundry, my dust, my dirt… it all just sits.

You’ve all heard that phrase, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle,” right?

IT’S A LIE!

If we could handle it all ourselves, what a proud and arrogant people we’d be.  God is always giving us more than we can handle, so that we have to rely on Him.  That’s when His glory shines.

I remember late last year, Dee and I were discussing the best time to conceive this baby.  Before or after garden planting?  Or harvesting?  Wait until Moosies is two?  Maybe I shouldn’t have a brand new baby right at the beginning of a school year, and I definitely don’t want to be sick while I’m still learning the ropes of homeschooling!  (I didn’t want to be sick anytime, but morning sickness is a given for me!)  So many factors…

Is there a perfect time to have a baby?

Even while we were talking, I thought, “God doesn’t want us to have a baby when I think I can handle it.  God wants us to have a baby in the middle of our busy, overwhelming, messy life.  Because then HE has to be the One to give us strength.”

He did it, you know, made us lean on Him.  We were going to get pregnant this March or later, and now here I am a quarter of the way through this pregnancy!  I don’t think anytime would have been easy, but I’m definitely overwhelmed right now.

One day last week, shortly after we got back from Massachusetts, I could barely stand.  Our suitcases were still unpacked, I had trash bags of dirty clothes, dishes teetering, dirt and stuff EVERYWHERE, and I realized I had a choice.

Should I break down and sob, “I can’t do this!” when my husband came home?  (I’m really good at getting stressed out and complaining to Dee!)  Or should I smile peacefully, right in the middle of the mess.

Dee found me washing dishes, and he found me with a smile.  It was a tired smile, but he wrapped his arms around me and I knew it was okay.  He has strength like God sometimes.

I didn’t get to that smile easily.  I knew I needed to, and I knew only God could put it in my heart, but I didn’t even have strength to eloquently ask Him for it.  “Help me, help me…” was my auto-repeat as I tried to focus on my kids, and finding food, and keeping food down, and just doing the next thing in front of me!

It’s not that rough anymore, I’m just telling my story.  (And explaining my blogging absence for the past couple weeks!)  I’m feeling better every day, and for that I am soooo grateful!  I’ve heard that morning sickness means a healthy baby, so I am grateful for a safe pregnancy so far. 

Today, in fact, I feel awesome!  Iced coffee and pizza with banana peppers will do it every time.

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About patchofheaven

"Mom" sums it up quite well! I cook, I clean, I homeschool, and yes, I do still ride a tricycle. I love to read books to my kids, and every once in a while I manage to read a book "all by my big self." I journal about my life, here at patchofheaven; hoping to remember, grow, love more, and entertain my mom and other readers!

13 responses »

  1. What a good reminder not to rely on our own strength. I have sure been where you are – not the morning sickness part – but the overwhelmed don’t-know- how-I’ll-make-it. And God always shows Himself strong. All glory to Him!
    Gina

  2. Ruth,

    Love it again! This message has been resounding in my heart time and time again — that it’s all about God’s grace, simply letting it pour down and run over me, washing away all the grime, dirt, and stench of my own sinfulness. It’s allowing God’s grace to run over, flow through me, and then pour out to those around me. This life is learning to throw up my hands with palms stretched out to God and simply revel in His marvelous grace.

    Praying for an extra dose of His grace towards you today.

  3. You’re amazing Ruth! Even in the midst of your morning sickness you still blow us all away with your talent at writing! God’s truly given you a gift and you can’t get away from it… ;o)
    This reminds me of that quote: “If you have a Big God you’ve got Big Problems, if you have a small god you’ve got small problems” –annonymous
    You’ve got a lot on your plate and yet you can still give it to God! You are amazing! It was SO good to see you at the wedding! I had a blast with you!
    Definitely true & I always need to be reminded of it too that He wants us to rely on Him! :o)

    Love you girl! ;o)

    • Trisha, I sure loved hanging out with you for a whole week! It was the most time I’ve ever spent with you (I’ve always been a tad jealous of Esther in that department…), and it was great getting to know you better. I like you even more now. =) And, of course, I was reminded again that you are the *perfect* woman for my brother! Love you back!

      • Aww… thanks ;o) Ya I get jealous too that Esther gets to hang out with you so it goes both ways… too funny ;o)

  4. I was JUST writing to someone “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle,” and at the same time, I was thinking, “that doesn’t make sense.” Why would we need God if we could handle everything ourselves?

    I guess I say it to myself when I admire someone else’s stamina in the midst of a struggle. I can’t imagine having 4 young kids with 1 on the way. It’s just beyond me. But if He gave them to me, He would give me the strength to get through. He doesn’t give us more than we can handle…once we ask for help. Something like that.

    Thanks for the food for thought! And be encouraged that God is glorified through these experiences.

    • Haha! That’s funny, Liz! I like your new rendition of that phrase. =) I know you know all about being in over your head. I admire your courage and giving heart, living overseas and facing new obstacles all the time! As a single woman too, although not for too much longer, right? I can’t wait to hear stories about your married life, mixed culture and all!

  5. I didn’t know you were expecting! congratulations!

    And – what a great reminder – today, of all days. I’m not having the best of days. Thankfully, I’ve been remembering to pray all day ,”Please, Lord, HELP ME!!!!” And the girls and I had some good chats about attitudes – theirs and mine! *L*

  6. Great post and words of wisdom! Interesting how humanism so subtly creeps in! I loved your response to my blog post about your pumpkins..glad that you are feeling better!

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