I’m sleeping on the couch again.  Nope, not a fight!  Just my little boy who needs Daddy when he’s sad.  CJ always cries for Dee when he’s upset, and most recently I haven’t felt like sharing our queen-size bed with CJ’s wiggle, kicking feet!  The other night he woke up screaming that I’d dumped all the pretzels out, and why did I do that, and now there’s no more… (All in his imagination, I swear!  We have a HUGE container of pretzels still in the cupboard.)  Tonight, CJ woke up crying really hard because his leg hurt.  This happens every so often, and I think it must be “growing pains.”  I try to remember to feed him calcium-rich foods, but forget more than remember.  Then I feel like a bad mom.

When Moosies broke her collarbone the other week, I felt like a bad mom.  Like, maybe she wouldn’t have broken her collarbone if she had stronger bones from more calcium?  Dee said he felt like the bad parent, like somehow he should have been closer to her and caught her before she fell.  It was nice to hear from a bunch of people at Indian Hollow that collarbone breaks are very common.  And then the doctors and all the web pages I Googled said the same thing.  But still, I wish I could have prevented it…

And now, almost every day, I feel like a bad parent when Moosies trips and falls.  The orthopaedic doctor stressed several times that Moosies should NOT fall right now!  He showed me the second X-ray, and said she might end up with a shorter collarbone on one side if she falls again and the one bone slips behind the other.  BUT I CAN’T KEEP HER FROM FALLING!  She falls at least once a day, and then cries, and then I cry.  I was actually sobbing the other night in bed, because I feel so helpless to make sure my daughter’s bone heals correctly.  I just begged God to do it for me, since I’m failing.

I can’t keep my flowers and veggies alive outside, and my house is not scrubbed down from top to bottom.  Somebody else PLEASE tell me they have dirt behind the couch?  And grimy windowsills? And unwashed floor registers?  And dusty closets with too much junk?  And dusty, disorganized kitchen cabinets?  And all the lightbulbs are not washed?  PLEASE?

My poor husband has dealt with several tearful meltdowns recently.  I hope he remembers that I have extra crying hormones right now?  And that I still think he’s super-dad, and the best hubby in the whole world!  Maybe I should write him a letter tomorrow.  You know, one of those mushy love letters that dwindle off in amount as the years and kids pile up.

He’s working his butt off right now to finish the basement before the baby comes.  After he comes home from working his butt off at his job.  I can feel sad that I’m not getting a whole lot of romantic, special attention right now (think: back rubs, long talks, fresh coffee…), or I can realize that he IS showering me with romantic, special attention.  In his own, manly, provider way.  He wants to be able to kick back and relax with me and the kids and the new baby next month, plus help out with the house and school and whatever else my newest meltdown is about!  Okay, I know I’m really begging for sympathy tonight, but does anyone else have meltdowns?  Anyone?

I’m going to go sneak in my room and grab my body pillow now.  Oh, and I’ll try really hard to post pictures of the basement project soon.  And try not to have a meltdown about it. =)


9 responses »

  1. The house part sounds like nesting has really kicked in! You are not alone with the dirty unorganized house. It seems like the second law of thermodynamics wreaks havoc here too. especially when I am not looking! You are not a bad parent because you can’t control your kiddos boo boos. Chalk that one up to hormones 🙂 My children’s health and safety is definitely from God because I can’t control falls and sickness and all the other stuff I would love to be able to keep them from. So Asking God to help is just perfect because He is the one who sees each sparrow that falls and the only one who can control things, not us 🙂 I hope you get some rest and your hormones let you be for a little. 😉 You sound perfectly normal to me! Hehehe…Just like a prego mom 🙂

  2. 🙂

    My house has grimy spots. Just so you know. And sometimes I don’t comb the girls hair every day.

    Oh, and I’m not expecting a baby, and I still cry – sob – bawl – over stupid things and over important things.

    So – you’re not crazy. And if you are, you’ve got company! *L*

  3. Just last night I was crying for no specific reason! Sometimes it’s nice to have something to blame it on-like being pregnant and hormones whacked out! My house is a disaster. Mostly unorganized things that I can’t figure out how to organize without spending money on containers when we’re suppose to be saving money to buy a house before, or very shortly after the baby is born!!! There are piles of mail, bills, cute kids drawings that I can’t figure out what to do with them. Especially the kids drawings. My girls LOVE to draw. They give us cards or pictures of stories at least 10 pages worth a day, each. They are so filled with thoughts and love I hate to throw them away!! I try to save the “best” one that they spend the most time on and put them in a book. But I never want them to see that I do throw some away, I’m sure we’d both end up crying!!
    I am trying not to panic as I like to have everything ready for the baby really early, and right now there is absolutely nothing ready for the baby! We have been so in limbo, I didn’t want to get things out if we moved first, we’d be taking everything out of storage anyways! Now we probably won’t be moved by the time the baby is born unless for some reason we found the right house for the right price and somehow things moved very quickly! That leaves me with some problems. We don’t have a dresser for the baby, usually the baby gets the changing table dresser, but Nathaniel is still using it. We have another dresser, but it doesn’t fit anywhere in the apt. right now. So it will be very tight and we will have to be imaginative.
    Well, I hope everyone feels better soon and will be praying Moosie’s bones heal correctly! Please pray we can find a house that fits us for the right price! I’m a little stressed out about that and the baby coming right now. And very worried how I will feel after the baby is born…

  4. First of all,I apologize for not visiting for a while…I love your new layout, this is the only living room of yours that I will ever see and its perfect to me! LOL!

    Meltdowns? Me? My kids used to tease me that I even had super market melt downs…LOL! Now that I’m older and much, much wiser….I know how to hide my meltdowns better (LOL!) or maybe I just don’t give a darn anymore.

    Hang in there sweet young mom, wife, daughter, sister….and thank you for your awesome posts, they always make me smile…wish I could just hug those little ones!

    Aloha, Connie

  5. Meltdowns? Of course! And I’m not even pregnant! Nor do I have an active daughter with a broken collarbone. And there isn’t dirt behind my couch, but under the cushions is scary. I just don’t go there anymore. OK, I just checked. There’s just tile behind my couches and the tile’s dirty.

    I think you are a wonderful mom who is dealing with a lot! I also love reading your posts!

  6. I definitely think collarbone injuries are common. I broke mine at 7, but I knew some friends whose daughter broke hers at 1 1/2. I can see how it would be hard when the child is very active. I’m sure you’re doing a great job, though!

    I think I’ve averaged about 1 meltdown per day since the wedding…LOL! For some reason God made us this way. 🙂

  7. Ruth, I had to smile when I read your list of things you haven’t cleaned. Uhm… I think most of us never clean some of the things you listed. There are just more important things to do. If I tried to do all that, I would be a stressed-out mom who never spends time with her kids — only cleans. So, pat yourself on the back that you have your priorities right. 🙂

    Oh, pregnancy hormones will definitely bring the tears on. I had a little meltdown right after Olivia was born because I was trying to do too much. 🙂

    Take care! We love you!

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