I’m sleeping on the couch again. Nope, not a fight! Just my little boy who needs Daddy when he’s sad. CJ always cries for Dee when he’s upset, and most recently I haven’t felt like sharing our queen-size bed with CJ’s wiggle, kicking feet! The other night he woke up screaming that I’d dumped all the pretzels out, and why did I do that, and now there’s no more… (All in his imagination, I swear! We have a HUGE container of pretzels still in the cupboard.) Tonight, CJ woke up crying really hard because his leg hurt. This happens every so often, and I think it must be “growing pains.” I try to remember to feed him calcium-rich foods, but forget more than remember. Then I feel like a bad mom.
When Moosies broke her collarbone the other week, I felt like a bad mom. Like, maybe she wouldn’t have broken her collarbone if she had stronger bones from more calcium? Dee said he felt like the bad parent, like somehow he should have been closer to her and caught her before she fell. It was nice to hear from a bunch of people at Indian Hollow that collarbone breaks are very common. And then the doctors and all the web pages I Googled said the same thing. But still, I wish I could have prevented it…
And now, almost every day, I feel like a bad parent when Moosies trips and falls. The orthopaedic doctor stressed several times that Moosies should NOT fall right now! He showed me the second X-ray, and said she might end up with a shorter collarbone on one side if she falls again and the one bone slips behind the other. BUT I CAN’T KEEP HER FROM FALLING! She falls at least once a day, and then cries, and then I cry. I was actually sobbing the other night in bed, because I feel so helpless to make sure my daughter’s bone heals correctly. I just begged God to do it for me, since I’m failing.
I can’t keep my flowers and veggies alive outside, and my house is not scrubbed down from top to bottom. Somebody else PLEASE tell me they have dirt behind the couch? And grimy windowsills? And unwashed floor registers? And dusty closets with too much junk? And dusty, disorganized kitchen cabinets? And all the lightbulbs are not washed? PLEASE?
My poor husband has dealt with several tearful meltdowns recently. I hope he remembers that I have extra crying hormones right now? And that I still think he’s super-dad, and the best hubby in the whole world! Maybe I should write him a letter tomorrow. You know, one of those mushy love letters that dwindle off in amount as the years and kids pile up.
He’s working his butt off right now to finish the basement before the baby comes. After he comes home from working his butt off at his job. I can feel sad that I’m not getting a whole lot of romantic, special attention right now (think: back rubs, long talks, fresh coffee…), or I can realize that he IS showering me with romantic, special attention. In his own, manly, provider way. He wants to be able to kick back and relax with me and the kids and the new baby next month, plus help out with the house and school and whatever else my newest meltdown is about! Okay, I know I’m really begging for sympathy tonight, but does anyone else have meltdowns? Anyone?
I’m going to go sneak in my room and grab my body pillow now. Oh, and I’ll try really hard to post pictures of the basement project soon. And try not to have a meltdown about it. =)